Two years ago when I took the bold decision of publishing with zero budget, I made a lot of stupid decisions. Well, they didn’t sound stupid at that time, so I won’t be hard on myself. I was doing the best I could with whatever experience, resources, and support I had. Spoiler alert: It was very low.
At that time, I decided to publish under a Pseudonym. Yes, M. Phoenix is my pseudonym, and I am ready to change it. Back then, it felt like the right choice—an easy way to protect myself from judgment, avoid uncomfortable conversations, and add a touch of mystery to my author persona. But, since then, I would like to believe that I’ve grown as both a writer and a person. I’ve come to realize that those reasons, though understandable for that time, were holding me back. Now, I’m ready to take a leap of faith and republish my work under my real name. (Here’s why I’m re-editing my published novel.)
Here are some of the reasons why I was sure about a pen-name back then, followed by reason why I’m not so sure anymore.
The Fear of Being Judged by Strangers
When I first dipped my toes into the world of writing and started seriously thinking about getting published, I found myself grappling with a dilemma. No, it wasn’t whether I should publish under my real or pen name. It was something before that. The question was simple. Would people judge me for writing about a culture different from my own? I was telling a story set in a world far removed from my everyday life, and I worried that readers might dismiss my work because I wasn’t a part of the world I was writing. So, I created a new world. It wasn’t a fantasy novel, but I was so afraid of being “canceled,” that I created an entirely new world in a romance novel.
They say not to judge a book by its cover, but let’s be real—people do, and I wasn’t ready to face that judgment. I chose a pseudonym to create some distance between myself and my work, hoping it would shield me from the scrutiny of readers who might question my ability to authentically portray a culture I wasn’t born into, whether I created the world or borrowed a city from the real world.
Hiding from Familiar Eyes
Another reason I chose to hide behind a pen name was the fear of judgment from those who knew me in real life. It’s one thing to face criticism from strangers; it’s another thing entirely to face it from people you know. I was afraid that people I saw at family gatherings, friends from school, and even colleagues might think less of me if they didn’t like my book. I didn’t want to give anyone in my circle a reason to look down on me, so I thought a pseudonym was the perfect disguise.
The Fear of Failure
Let’s face it—no one wants to fail, especially not in public. I was terrified that my book would flop, and I didn’t want to be the laughingstock of my social circle. I was haunted by the fear that people would whisper behind my back, “Did you hear? Munazza’s book was a total disaster.” Yes, my name is Munazza. The full name will be revealed on the cover of my book very soon!
When publishing for the first time, a pseudonym felt like a safety net. If the book failed, I could simply walk away unscathed, without my real name attached to the mess.
Pen Names Are Cool
There’s something undeniably cool about having a pen name. Cooler than that is the fact that you can choose them. Whatever name you want, just choose and roll with it. It’s like wearing a mask at a masquerade ball, where you get to be someone else for a while. I thought a pen name would give me an air of mystery, make me seem more interesting, and attract readers who might otherwise overlook my book.
I realize now that I was being too hard on myself. I understand now that the way I was processing, didn’t do me justice. It doesn’t matter what others think. What matters is what you think of yourself, and at that time, I felt very underconfident.
Avoiding Awkward Conversations
My novel was a romance, and some scenes were a bit steamy. Given the conservative culture I grew up in, I knew these parts of the book would make people I knew in real life uncomfortable. The last thing I wanted was to have awkward conversations with relatives who might read my book and then look at me differently. Imagine me being in a gathering, and my mom coming up to me with horror-stricken eyes, saying, “How do you know about that?”
Well, I’m married, Mom, I’ve done stuff.
The truth is, I wanted to avoid those knowing glances and uncomfortable silences, so I hid behind a pseudonym, hoping it would keep those conversations at bay.
Realizing My Mistake
Now, looking back, I realize that all those reasons for using a pseudonym were misguided. I’ve grown as a person and as a writer, and I’ve decided to republish my novel under my real name. Why? Because I want to be acknowledged for my work. Here’s a complete list of reasons.
There’s a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” I’ve come to appreciate the value of being true to myself, and that includes owning my work; flaws and all.
My Name Ain’t That Bad
I’ve come to love my real name. It’s unique, and I believe it can catch the eye of potential readers. The other reason is the loyalty of my friends. My friends have been a huge support. They have encouraged me to step out of the shadows. All of them said the same thing; that they were proud of me for getting my book published but wished they could see my real name on the cover. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt… It would be kinda awesome if you think about it.
Confidence Changed Everything
Over the past couple of years, I’ve built up my confidence. I no longer fear being judged, because I’ve learned that what I have to say holds value.
A Chinese proverb says, “The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.” The challenges I’ve faced have only made me stronger. I feel like I’m kinda ready to face the world with my real name on the cover of my book. So what if someone gives me the side-eye? I don’t care. There will be a hundred more people to clap for me. Why should I focus on being judged by that one person and not on being appreciated by so many more?
The Right Time for Change
Timing is everything and now feels like the right time to republish my novel under my own name. I’ve grown up (mentally) and realized that I don’t care what others think. My goal is to write and publish whatever I want, and if someone has a problem with it, well, that’s their problem, not mine. It’s taken me a while, but I’m finally ready to take ownership of my work. Oh my god, just thinking that gives me butterflies!
A New Chapter Begins
My book needed a thorough edit after its first publication two years ago, and as I prepare to republish it, I’ve decided that it will be under my real name. I’m closing the chapter on my pseudonym and opening a new one with my true identity front and center. There’s no more hiding, no more fear—just the excitement of sharing my work with the world, with my name proudly displayed on the cover.
I hope my experience and realizations had some sort of positive impact on your incredible author’s journey. I would love to hear your stories related to pen names or pseudonyms.
What do you think? Should an author publish under their real name or pen name? What would you prefer, and why?
Read Let It Fall on Kindle Unlimited!
Subscribe today to get password-protected content, updates, and bonus chapters right into your inbox.
Munazza Bangash | Author 
Leave a comment