When writing about Emery and Xavier, my two very troubled main characters from two entirely different books, I was, in a way, using them. That’s what all authors do, some without realizing. We tend to transfer our emotions, feelings, and beliefs onto our characters. It’s really freeing at times. Also, it could be the other way around, too. In recent times, I’ve realized I am able to embody the characters I’m writing, feeling all their emotions deep in my core. It could also be because of my Psychology background, my intuitive Scorpio self, or the fact that my BPD self might be acquiring new personalities.
But here is the thing. I never planned on writing both my main characters as people who live in the dark. (Why I Write Dark Stories… and Why I’m Not Sorry About It.) It was never my intention. They showed up that way, and I realized that some people walk into darkness; others walk toward it with their eyes open.
Emery is one such character. She is the FMC from my WIP, ‘Relilnquo,’ and Xavier, as mentioned earlier, is from my debut novel, ‘Let It Fall.’ Both the characters are close to my heart, brought to light by the same darkness, but they could not be more different in how they meet the dark. Emery, as it happens, embraces the darkness and uses it to her own benefit (let’s not give away too much). While Xavier embodies the darkness and ends up in a void, whether in Gisselle’s memories or as a memory of his life lived.
Both Have Hearts That Burn
Emery burns with revenge. The darkness that has haunted her life followed her to her death and beyond. But upon reflection, she realized she had options when she lived. Options that were taken from her when she was brutally pulled from her previous life.
Xavier, on the other hand, burns with rage. His rage is all-consuming, fired up by betrayal and loss. Scorching with a fire that burns brighter when water is thrown on it. That’s the reason Emery survives (sort of) while Xavier moves toward his downfall.
One Becomes the Wounded Survivor, While the Other the Fallen
They are built from pain, grief, and loss, and it’s the reason why I think they resonate more with survivors and people who never really fit in anywhere. Both of them know what it feels like to be hollowed out and told to keep functioning. I gave them the same foundation without realizing. Then I watched them write their own stories.
What’s the Difference Between Them?
While same at the core, they’re vastly different from each other.
Emery was never given a choice when it comes to the darkness she is living in. Fueled by rage, she must survive now. Xavier, though still not at a complete fault, chose this life. Giselle was the light he chose to extinguish. She was everything for him, yet not enough. The only light in his world, according to him, and he chose to replace her with darkness.
I created them both and find myself in them, so I could be biased. But I won’t justify their actions or give excuses for them. Both of them are authentic in their actions. They will give you their stories in their own way. I make you the judge of them all.
Why They Matter to Me…
My stories tend to be on the darker side. I’ve finally accepted that fact after being told by many that I seemed to be obsessed with darkness and rawness and death and depth. My books are heavy and probably not everyone’s cup of tea.
Emery and Xavier are both human, and humans are messy in their emotions. Messy… Uncomfortable… Entirely human. One was thrown into the pit with no choice, one chose to step away from the light, and I saw both of them bleed on my pages.
I love them both. Their pain is raw and all-consuming. The intensity of their actions are often misunderstood, but I understand them… And I hope you do too.
If Xavier has stayed with you in any way, you will enjoy Emery’s story as well. Visit my website to find my book ‘Let It Fall,’ and updates on my WIP, ‘Relinquo.’
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